So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
