I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
