If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
