All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
