your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
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