Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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