Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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