The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
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