Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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