dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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