how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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