She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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