Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I came so hard my ears popped.
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