just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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