Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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