My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
