Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
