Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
