I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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