yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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