No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
