Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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