With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
