i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
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