then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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