youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
