maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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