i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
