I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
