remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
