my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
