his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
