nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
what day is it and did you see me today?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
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