honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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