Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
