did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I am mentally ready for anal.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize