So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
