Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
