i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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