i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
