nut hugger
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
