Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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