More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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