you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Is it penis luge time yet?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
