This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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