I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
My breasts were aching with rage.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
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