Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize