i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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