I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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