This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
