I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
