does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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