Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
