I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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