i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
