There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
