hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
