upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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