That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
