did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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