Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
