if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
