It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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