I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
the gays at disneyland are vicious
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
