Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I checked into jail on foursquare
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
