How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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