Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
