I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
