The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
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