last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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