Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
